Winston showed up on my bed one December.  My girlfriend at the time had thought a labrador puppy together was going to be a great idea.  I love dogs, but I was in my intern year of medical residency and told her no, no dog.    But still she showed up with him.  Everyone’s advice during those first weeks, including her’s, was to just give the dog back.  But this eight week old pup, incredibly cute with a huge pair of sad eyes and massive paws, latched onto me instantly.  (Word of advice ladies, don’t give your guy a cute labrador puppy unless you want him to attract a lot of female attention.  All sorts of women who never gave me the time of day, now had free license to walk up and play with the puppy).  And despite his efforts to win me over, following me everywhere, including into the shower, he was also driving me crazy.  Those were cold utah nights to be standing outside in boxers, in a snowstorm hoping he would go to the bathroom after yet another accident on my bed. (Yes, he had to sleep in my bed otherwise he barked all night.  Yes, he won that and most other battles).

Then, late one night, heading out for a cross-country ski up Millcreek canyon where I would hold him on my chest in a back pack and occasionally let him play in the snow, I got out of the car into a dark parking lot and was suddenly confronted by two enormous, viciously barking dogs, a german shepherd and larger Rottweiler mix.  Before I had time to jump out of my skin, a small ball of fur leapt from the rear seat out the open front door and  planted himself in front of me, barking right back at these two beasts of the night.  If you’ve ever experienced the knowledge that someone would stand in front of a freight train without a hesitation to save your life, then you know its kind of intimidating.  Its not the dog you just give back.

And that was that, Winston stayed.  He was quintessential lab, non-stop energy, into trouble all the time.  A recurring entertainment in the house was counting how many kitchen products he had dragged out to the yard in protest of being left home for the day while we were at work.  At one point these items included kitchen knives, most of a 72 piece tupperware set, a glass coffee bodum not broken and a morter and pestle (the former broken).  He had a great penchant for dragging enormous trees down hiking trails.  As if that was not enough fun, the idea of casual hike with dogs usually triggers beautiful norman rockwell type images.  Thats about as accurate as thinking that family vacations with young kids is just like the photo ads of families happily laughing together on a beach.   A hike with winston was not complete without rolling in some dead carcass, eating something foul smelling and rolling in that as well, and usually running off to chase deer, birds or the random call of the wild.   And he was oh so proud of himself, the dirtier and fouler the smell, the mightier the accomplishment.

And no matter what he did, he never showed grief or guilt or remorse.  He loved everything except being alone.  We were his family and he was protective, of our other lab, of other family members, he did nothing half way.

The stories go on and on.  Friends have compared him to the dog in the book Marley and Me, except worse, and I cannot bring myself to read that book because I know there are final chapters.  And Winston had his run in with everything from the law, to the military, to several volumes worth of visits at several medical clinics.   Torn ACLs in both knees, Melanoma of his eyelid, allergies, infections, sutures, scratched corneas, teeth extractions and this year, after having a benign tumor removed from his jaw,he stopped eating.  He had other reasons to stop eating previously, so we went through the routine of buying take out, cooking for him, but he still seemed to be without an appetite.  Then I noticed he was jaundiced.  Cancelled a trip I was scheduled on that day and stayed home to cook while some liver medicines kicked in to improve his liver failure.  They worked and he started eating again… then a few weeks later, I took him for a walk and he peed bright red blood.  One urinary tract infection later, he was back and eating and peeing normally, and then all the symptoms slowly returned.  We were told he had days to weeks left and of course you don’t want to believe that.  Good god, he survived everything else.  So we kept cooking, but he stopped eating, we tried differnent meds, stayed up with him the last week.  Even the vet commented that with his big heart, even though his body was failing, he would force himself to keep going just to keep us happy.  And he did, He couldn’t stand to eat very much and I needed to walk him to a stream nearby where he would drink, but he was getting weaker and finally I had to ask the vet how we proceed knowing it was close.  We were told by friends that you would just know… I’m not sure we did.  He still followed me everywhere, albeit slightly off balance, he had stopped drinking, someone had to decide.  I had wished in some way that we would wake up and find he had gently passed away in his sleep.

Our three year old son, when I had explained that we would not be seeing Wintins anymore, told me, “He’s going to get his wings, in heaven.”

“That’s right I told him, he’s going there so he will feel better,” as tears rolled down my face as they had for the last week.

“Are you sad daddy?”

“Yeah.  I’m sad.  I’m going to miss Wintins.”

“I’m sad too.”

No matter how many times you hear and know in your heart that at some point it will become selfish to keep this ailing family member alive, nobody tells you how to prepare for the final walk.  We sat in the back of the station wagon, my big pup and me, staring at the clinic doors fifty feet away.  We just sat there,  him not wanting to move, head in my lap, while crocodile tears poured down my face, soaking him.  How do you decide to finally pick up your loved one to start that fifty foot walk.

That damn dog, that damn beautiful, loving, pain in my ass dog who loved so ridculously and unconditionally, such a massive presence in our lives, and such a massive emptiness without him.

He had been there for me every single day we had known each other and I guess that is part of the message of the film:  We are all connected.

The Tao of Wu:

Life is short, don’t waste days hiding your love away

Love and protect your family and friends fiercely, they are what you’ve got.

Low carbohydrate diets are senseless, eat any and all bread products within your reach or that can be taken away from small children.

Greet friends and loved ones with enthusiasm every time you see them, life is short, and while the nose to the crotch might not always be socially acceptable, its a fine metaphor to let them know you’re excited to see them.

If people have ridiculous ideas, like sleeping in, a wet tongue up the nose or in their mouth usually knocks some sense into them about not missing the day.

Some days you’re stuck home, so fully embrace and love every beautiful hike, swim, walk, drive…

Hard to beat curling up with friends, family and snacks to watch a movie at the end of the day.

If you disagree with what someone says, like telling you to “sit,” then bark right back at them.

If you like the music, howl along with it… if you don’t, howl louder.

A pound of chocolate covered espresso beans works wonders for energy and intestinal function when devoured an hour before going for a trail run.

Elsewhere in cycling news, Lance Armstrong continues to make news with allegations of Performance Enhancing Drug (PED) use during the years he won the Tour de France.  His response is that he has never failed a single drug test.

The “big” deal lately is that he rode for the US Postal team, which received federal funding and furthermore he would have perjured himself via the history of denials.  Denials of blowjobs have led to presidential impeachments, so do not question a government willingness to waste countless amounts of your tax dollars on legal fees when perjury is on the line.  I can’t think of anything else more pressing in the country at this time deserving of federal time or money, can you?

Some radical thinkers do question, so what?  Its cycling.  George Hincapie had this to say regarding allegations that he had spoken with a federal grand jury, “”My job here is to race my bike, promote the sport that we all love; that I’ve sacrificed my whole life for… I just have no interest in dragging this sport though the mud, so I’m sorry, I have no comment.”  It is cycling and it has a proven history of drug use and doping scandals.

The sport has been dragged through the mud.  We all knew the sport was riddled with drug use and hope it is being cleaned up.  When we were finally close to producing PELOTON, a recurrent question was how we were approaching the issue of doping in the sport.  I did not want that to be the central issue in the film, but knew if it was introduced with any of the characters it would become a central theme for winning or losing.  And a common question amongst cyclists right now is what they think about Lance and the doping question.  Nobody would be shocked to learn that he had used PEDs.

What do I think?  If he doped, then on a level playing field, he was still that much better than everyone else.  Does that excuse him of any wrong doing in the eyes of the court?  Who knows. But I do think that at the end of the day he fulfilled one of the great stories in sporting history.  Even if he doped, I would still look back with utter amazement at some of his rides.  I watched the 2001 Alpe d’Huez stage three times that day.

And if someone decided to strip away his seven Tour de France titles, Lance will still have done more to increase cycling awareness and enthusiasm in the US than any other person, athlete, corporation or cycling team.  And more than any other athlete I can thing of (maybe Johann Koss or Dikembe Mutumbo), Lance has spent more months, days and  hours of time he could be sitting on a beach or partying at a rave, helping people around the world by raising awareness, support and funds to people with cancer.  Nobody can take either of those amazing feats away from him.   That’s merely my opinion.  What have you done to help people lately?

And the connotations of “dreamers” is daydreaming, head in the sky folks who don’t often get anything done.   I’ve had this dream to make films, to act, to write and yes, they could have remained dreams of fancy… instead, we have a credit list of hundreds of people on a film named PELOTON that is almost, almost completed.  And all of them, the many supporters, cast, crew, people in the community that helped in so many ways with equipment, locations, volunteering, they’ve all had the dream to make this happen too.   And while the tone of my last post bluntly laid blame for the film’s flaws on my doorstep, thus providing the ultimate learning venue for myself, I wanted to take a few lines to mention who we can blame for making the film look and sound beautiful….

I have mentioned before how fortunate we were to have someone like Geno Salvatori as our Director of Photography.  He didn’t just show up and shoot a film, he took it upon himself to embrace the challenge of understanding the script, figuring out the nuances of the story and how he would capture it visually.  And because he was on board, other people joined the crew, figuring if Geno was there, we must be up to something fun.  So between Geno, Craig Wallace and Skylar bringing his cameras, he and his crew and his enthusiasm to set every day and the rest of our amazing film crew, we have a beautifully shot film…. but that is not enough…

Over the last weeks we have been applying the polishing touches to the film.  John David at Metcom has brilliantly corrected the color in every scene, Clarke and the audio geniuses are fixing the dialogue while an audio design team creates the sound effects and audio effects of a the outdoors or a room or the various sounds of a bike race.  And John Hancock is creating a stunning soundtrack.   These should sound like huge endeavors that would amaze us in the theater…. however, it’s quite the opposite.   When these guys do their job well, you don’t even notice what they have done.  You’re just taken on the ride.  You just accept that you are enjoying a well made film.  And without them, you’d think you were watching an amateurish piece of indie filmmaking smarm.   The difference is stunning and yet you would never see their mark unless you had witnessed them weaving their threads into this creative composite.   Quite simply amazing.

We have also had the actors “looping.”  They come into a sound studio and work to re-match their lines, lines that might have been blown out on a microphone or messed up by the hum of an air conditioner.  Months later, matching the tone and emotion of a scene they played across from an actor, but without that actor present and only running one line at a time. It’s hard work and our actors have been fantastic.  A few more sessions to go….

So we are close, a lot of people making this film a reality.  So yeah, you may say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one… thank god!

Thank you John Lennon

We received our first rejection letter today.   The TriBeCa film festival, as much as they “…enjoyed the chance to see [our] film...” regretted not including us in their festival, but hoped we would  send our application fees with future projects to try again.    TriBeCa is now considered one of the big five festivals in the world of film festivals and I did not expect to be accepted.  The film we sent was not yet complete, was competing against big name actors and directors, and a huge number of films, most of which will have something to do with war torn countries, religious and sexual stigmata or a strait up comedy.  Peloton is unfortunately a feel good, inspirational story with love and cycling.  Excuses, excuses, excuses!

I am not feeling “rejected.”  Nor am I feeling a sense of failure.  And I am certainly not feeling anything successful.  How do we define success and failure?  Just recently at the Oscars,  films were crowned as the BEST of the year… The best actor and best composer and editor regaled in their successes while others felt snubbed.  Were the efforts of the uncrowned considered a failure?  Hardly.   (Although rumors persist that the Uncrowned Mr. Franco’s lack of hosting effort was not quite successful).

This is not what I am supposed to say with investors potentially reading this post, but there are shortcomings in the film and they are my own.  We made the film on a really small budget, really small, but that is not the problem.  I would wager that at the end of the month, our film will look and sound better than many films with budgets many times what ours was.   The problems lie in the script — which is my fault, I did pen the thing after all.  It was certainly an ambitious project where I wish we had had a full three weeks to shoot the cycling scenes, not just the cycling and the 80 other pages of the script.   But that is an excuse.

Did I dream big and achieve my dream?  yes.   And it required the help and support of so many people. My peloton.  Did we make a film?  Yes.  Is that in itself a success?  Yes.   Do I feel let down that it is not everything I dreamed it would be?  That it is not an overnight success that will take the theaters by storm?  Yes.   Did I learn from it?  yes.  Will I make more?  Yes.   Writing the newest scripts I encounter the same trouble spots I glossed over in PELOTON hoping they would be resolved in the shooting (they weren’t) and now I work harder to resolve those issues, not wanting to fall into the trap of experience being what allows us to make the same mistakes with more confidence.     So what is success?

I suppose we thrive on a level of judgment, that is, we need a relative meter to measure where things stand.  Was it successful at the box office?  Was it accepted to prestigious film festivals?   Was it a well made film?  How about the fact that the film was made?  Any level of creation seems to be something positive, especially when you appreciate how much blood, sweat and tears were spilt… enough to make Winston proud.   There is a rumor that Winston Churchill was asked to cut arts funding in favor of the war effort and he simply replied, “Then what are we fighting for?”  You wonder about that during the years of making a film, “What are we fighting for?  Anything worthwhile?”  At this point, staring into the final weeks of preparing PELOTON, I can easily say, any film that is made is a success story.  That said, I am my own worst hypocrite and have been beating myself up the last weeks.

Peloton has flaws.  I can make all sorts of justifable excuses about the budget, the ambitious nature of the project, the thunderstorms on bike days, lack of extras… but the bottom line is I should have had a better script.  An enormous amount of people made the film’s production possible because they believed in me; my cast and crew dedicated themselves to the project; our post-production team is just incredible (welcome aboard our phenomenal composer, John Hancock).  And I know it will not go up for awards this week or next.  And while I do not feel a failure, I cannot help but feel I have let down all the other people who made this film.

I do however know this:  Secretariat did not win his first race, the Hickory Huskers did not win their first games and Rocky lost in a split decision (sorry for the spoiler)… i.e. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  Hell no!  We Learn from These Things said Bernie (usually after we almost died).  Onward and Upward says Dennis, “Big D.”

Beyond life with friends and family, this film is a highlight of my life.  To have pursued the dream and made the film with the help of my peloton of friends, there is the success.

Principal photography wrapped a few weeks ago.   People asked if I enjoyed the whole process, knowing this had been a dream of mine for so long…. and I have not been sure how to answer that question.  The above photo displays some of the tribulations of making a movie.  In the photo lead actor KC Clyde is making fun of my silly looking cycling cap (lead actress Renny went on to make fun of it in a song) so I am refusing to share any water with him despite the fact that it was 95 degrees out.   Truthfully, It was a completely exhausting, scary, frustrating, no sleep experience that I never wanted to stop.  More fun than I deserved and was so fortunate to have a great cast and crew that worked hard to create the film’s vision.

Since then we have been filming some bike races here in town, including the Tour of Utah (which was just incredible).  We are really excited to share some of that footage in a sneak peek tomorrow which I will post here and on youtube.

And now what?  Now I raise more money so we can finish filming, only 60K needed…. anyone???   It is a lot of money, but at the same time we remain a really low budget film that we hope looks really great – you be the judge tomorrow.   It’s hard to tell what you have when you are this close and emotionally attached to the project.  People keep telling me it is a good story and that the footage looks great.  We have incredible music for the film and the sound is great.  That might not sound like a huge deal, but when you watch films and you cannot hear what they are saying or understand the actors, its often because they did not have an experienced person mixing the sound.  Who did we have?  Earl Stein.   Who is Earl Stein?  Ask anyone involved with making films in Utah.  Just happens to be the guy that does sound for the Farrelly brothers.  Anyway, I can hear that it sounds good, looks good, nice story, but I am all too aware that those elements do not guarantee a good, let alone great, film.  Our editor has been doing a fantastic job to first put together our race footage so that we knew what elements were missing that we needed to film at the real races and then to put together our “sneak peek” to help raise our finishing funds.  Finally this week he can dive into creating the film and then we will see!

As for me, well, I prepare to get everything ready to film the roughly 10% remaining parts of the film and at the same time, will head back into some medical clinic work as the accounts have dried up and my director salary disappeared into paying our cast and crew.  I did not purposely aim to achieve starving artist status, and I think with our basement stock of bordeaux and brunello, we can survive another month, but the credit cards and kid’s insurance demand a return to a paycheck….at least for now!

Film festivals applications will be due this fall once the film is taking form in the editing bay.   And then, well, cross your fingers, knock on wood and send us some positive energy as we want this film to be seen!!   I am already pretty nervous to send out our sneak peek tomorrow and can only imagine what it must be like to premiere your film.  We were hoping to have a rough cut ready to submit to the Sundance Film Festival but looks like we will miss the deadline.  However, one thing I have learned repeatedly, and all the more so on this film, was a deep respect for Mick Jagger’s line, ” You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.”  If we miss applying to Sundance, somehow we will end up where we need to be with the film… it’s that or I can get frustrated and kick things and break my toe, which would only make my two year old laugh.

And on that note, I must share one of my favorite days filming, second to last day, we started in the park with a fun scene where our lead actor KC shoots a glaring look at someone else climbing a hill in the park, ala Lance Armstrong to Jan Ullrich in the 2001 tour de france, except KC is passing a pregnant woman pushing a kid stroller.  The woman and kid in stroller just happen to be Chandler and Luca, so they made it into the film!!!  Amazing!  That evening however, filming our last scene of the day, I receive a phone call from Chandler in the hospital.  The film crew blames me for making Chandler go into labor by pushing a stroller up a hill all morning in the sunshine!  Left the scene and made it for the C-section and delivery of our second boy.  Apparently he did not want to miss out on filming either!   Now that was a great day!  

That’s us, Sunday night on a motel hallway floor, Geno and I sharing ideas.    We started the morning in a gay cowboy bar doubling as Moab and had moved to a second pub for some drinking/dancing scenes midday, before finding ourselves on the floor of the Residence Inn hallway.   And the day indoors was much relief for the crew after five strait days in the sun.

I don’t even know where to start with this post…. this entire surreal experience is just simply fantastic.  Our crew is unbelievable, our cast fantastic.  I don’t know what kind of film we will end up with, having to create pelotons from five riders and imagining crowds made of 20 (at one point I asked the extras that once the bike had raced passed them with us filming off the car, they had to sprint up the hill to get in front of the car to act like they were different people cheering.  (having been in the sun the entire day left them somewhat confused by my sense of humor)

Incredible to be doing what I have always dreamed of, and rather than discovering it to be a let down, it is far more exciting and fun than I even imagined… and far more work!  Not that I did not expect work, but I cannot stop thinking.  If I am not concerned about the scene at hand, clothing, set ups, transitions into and out of that scene, then i am on some other aspect of the moment and trying not to think that we are behind or missing scenes that we need to make up on days that we do not have.

I thought just looking around the set was amazing enough… seeing entire crews setting up the lighting and scenes that I had scripted and thought about for years… and suddenly there they are being put up by such a great group of actors who bring it all to life, looking so ridiculously good thanks to the entire crew, from Troy and Isaac in Make-up, Natalie and her crew in wardrobe, Craig, Kelly and Alex working the lights, cameras all the grip work… they do so much with the help of a small army (people ask what grips, gaffers and swing men do, the better question is what do they not do?) and Wray our crazy man and his team handling production design and props (including all the bikes) has built entire bike race starts), and then there is Matt making us feasts every day to keep us working… the list goes on and on… none of it matters without it being recorded and edited thanks to Justin and Matt… and oh yeah, our guys on camera– operating, pulling focus, setting the cameras, goes to Geno and Jason and Ian and the mad man from Vita Brevis, Skylar who is a driving force of energy on the set.. And none of that runs without our production team keeping the business end rolling…. I can go on and on… but the point is so many people are working so hard to make this vision not just a reality, but one we will be proud of.

After the first day, when people glancing at our monitors kept commenting, “Wow, that looks really good!”  I thought, of course, these guys are professionals, what else would you expect… then I started to worry that the script did not match with how good the film would look!   We’ll see.. it has been crazy to hear the scenes I wrote show up on screen…. and rather than my feeling uncertain of the scenes, these amazing actor people, they make it work, I cannot say enough except I do not want it to end!   I am loving it!

OK, all that said, its a long time away from the family, getting up early to prepare, on set all day into night, back home to prepare again for the next day, dailies if available and not really sleep.   But then Luca came to set and had some time with me in the directors chair.  Life does not get much better than having your son on set while you truly are living your dream.

And it is not all beautiful and loving… mostly its sweaty.  Mostly we are fighting and tense to keep on schedule and being told by the powers that be that we must break for lunch so we do not have to pay actors more (SAG rules and we do not have anything to pay them with beyond small rocks).  I’m thinking we would get more filming made with some tyrannical draconian laws, but I’d guess the mutiny would not be far behind and I would be left standing alone on a hilltop with some bikes.

What more… I was worried about actors on bikes… they are such good actors that i could swear to you now that I thought they really were riding the bikes!!  I’m kidding, we really did let them ride and they looked fantastic after only a couple of days… and that is due to local stud rider Chris McKay, now an integral part of the film, being their teacher.  So everyone on set is starting to shave their legs and enjoying being on the bike.   Although the first time we clocked our lead actor going over 50 mph down a hill I was terrified for the film coming to a sccreeching halt across asphalt.   The speeds seem fine, its the clicking out of pedals at slow speeds that has resulted in blood.

We have lots of photos, but I need to get them off a disc as they were too large to email…

We’ve had cuts and sutures and bloody noses and tennis elbow and vomiting and sunburn and…well, I must race back to set, so, I will write something more cohesive about a day in the life and will attach some photos I should get today.

Onward and Upward!!!!

This statue was a father’s day gift to me and it beautifully captures the essence of freedom on a bike.  It just seems to say something more magical than my  describing the joy of reaching the end of a ride and being close to a chocolate milk.

I am beginning to think we might have something magical happening on the film.  Today I sat with Matt and Stacey, our post-production and music coordinator, listening to sample tracks she was considering for the film.  WOW.  That’s all I can say… Matt said it better, something about the palette of amazing music we were just presented with will allow us to take the film to an even greater place, something like that.  The point was that we have incredible music for the film.   The team that has assembled has done so because they believe in the project, not for any big pay (does not exist)… doubtfully for the food on set, but I think because they believe in the project and what we are trying to say.  And I think maybe a small bit because we are making this a wholly collaborative process, the film, music, art, editing, writing, casting, everyone is involved in discovering and deciding how to best create this film.

The main filming starts one month from today and I have been exploring what advice I can find from the great filmmakers.   Interestingly here are some statements from them:

SYDNEY POLLACK: “….there are basically two kinds of filmmakers..  Those who know and understand a truth they want to communicate to the world and those who are not quite sure what the answer to something is and who make the film as a way to try and find out.  That’s what I do.”

WIM WENDERS: “There are two ways of making a film, or, if you prefer, two reasons… the second consists of making the film to discover what you are attempting to say… and I have tried them both.”

PEDRO ALMODOVAR: “And I never know what the film is really about.  Often I understand it only when the film is completed.  And sometime’s I don’t understand it until I hear people’s comments.”

Could you imagine me going to potential investors for our film and telling them that I wanted to explore an idea by making a film I felt needed to made, although I was not sure I understood it yet.  I actually can imagine it.  I can also imagine the chance of me commandeering eight reindeer to circumnavigate the globe one night being a more likely event than those investors wanting to invest in a film I was making.

After so many years of rewriting this script and preparing to actually film, I can also imagine you would think we were ready to go with a specific list of how and what we are filming.   But really, that is the exploration taking place right now.  Even at this date, one month away from filming, I am still asking questions of the script that lead to “lightbulb” above head moments where I suddenly see the meaning in a scene, or recognize a better way to work a character.  In a recent discussion with our director of photography, Geno, we were able to omit an entire bike race from the movie.  But it was only through exploring all the themes in discussions that we arrived at these decisions.

Perhaps even more importantly, the great directors send a message to not only know what you are saying, what your theme is about, but to make it personal, intimate.   That might sound obvious, but it is not.  A director or film team could be handed a script and with brief preparation shoot it with standard shots, master, medium, close up and the reverse angles.   And at the end of the day the script will be off of the paper and on the screen.  It’s a film.  But to make it personal, the way that we can recognize certain filmmakers signatures on their body of works, well that takes work and thought and I think a willingness to say that which really means something to you.

Do you remember this scene:[after record producer Sam Phillips stops Cash's band a couple of verses into their audition]
Sam Phillips: You know exactly what I’m telling you. We’ve already heard that song a hundred times. Just like that. Just… like… how… you… sing it.
Johnny Cash: Well you didn’t let us bring it home.
Sam Phillips: Bring… bring it home? All right, let’s bring it home. If you was hit by a truck and you was lying out there in that gutter dying, and you had time to sing *one* song. Huh? One song that people would remember before you’re dirt. One song that would let God know how you felt about your time here on Earth. One song that would sum you up. You tellin’ me that’s the song you’d sing? That same Jimmy Davis tune we hear on the radio all day, about your peace within, and how it’s real, and how you’re gonna shout it? Or… would you sing somethin’ different. Somethin’ real. Somethin’ *you* felt. Cause I’m telling you right now, that’s the kind of song people want to hear. That’s the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain’t got nothin to do with believin’ in God, Mr. Cash. It has to do with believin’ in yourself.
Johnny Cash: [after a pause] I got a couple of songs I wrote in the Air Force. You got anything against the Air Force?
Sam Phillips: No.
Johnny Cash: I do.

An awesome scene from WALK THE LINE that I just love reading.  That monologue says what I think every artist believes is in their heart, a song about how you felt about your time here on Earth.   And every artist, writer, actor, athlete, etc, knows the importance of believin’ in yourself.

Or perhaps recall Walt Whitman being quoted in DEAD POET’S SOCIETY:

John Keating: Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

What will your verse be? Gulp.  Wow.  Well this film is my verse and what does it say about my time here on earth?   I think that’s the part that is explored as we make the film.  The personal story you might have read in previous blogs (see THE GENESIS OF PELOTON) and how a group of people responded when they were devastated with the loss of a friend.  I think my verse might be human resilience, that we are all knocked down in so many ways, but we still dream, we still hope, we live with courage and compassion… not always, in fact, perhaps less than usually, but at the end of the day, living in whatever times we do, our trend is redemption.  Our goal is to help each other.  We fear and desire love.  And none of it is black and white… but the moments we feel alive and happy, fleeting as they may be, are beautiful and we seek them out amidst loss, suffering, pain, emptiness, frustration, the grand balance that is life.  To steal from Maya Angelou, Still we rise.

Perhaps the most important verse I can leave is for my son, and I think that would be to relentlessly strive and fight for your dream.  Our time here is brief, so live it well.  My dream:  To make films.

As a friend has told me:  Onward and Upward!

The photograph above, of professional riders racing along a curvy mountain road, is not a scene from my movie.   One of the many challenges we are facing is how to present the exciting and dangerous sport of cycling on the big screen.  The only way we can do so on our low budget is to double local riders as the actors on the bike and even edit in some real bike races.  Geno, our Director of Photography, and I met last Wednesday to start discussing our plan of action for filming the movie’s cycling sequences.  It seems bike sequences are  inherently expected in a biking film.  Our lives however, would be much simpler if they were not.  The day’s discussions served as a good reason to threaten the writer (that’s me) with walking papers as well as providing a good reminder as to why I did not write scenes such as:

The bomb blast explodes with apocalyptic fury.  Flames envelope anything in their path, turning the 20 foot tall statue of Zorg into a pool of molten lava.  The flames and lava charge towards ThorFinn.  His eye is swollen shut, his left shoulder dislocated, his hamstring, hamstrung.  He hoists the unconscious queen onto his shoulders, despite the 800 pounds of iron ore enveloping her feet.  He leaps onto the wombat that has wandered in from the traveling Christmas creche.  The wombat gallops towards the bullet proof window, shattering the glass with an antler mounted bazooka.  They leap through the window and plummet towards the ground… BUT……

That’s right!  Wombats don’t fly, nor do they have antlers.   Where to start on why I could not film that ridiculous scene even if I had written it?  First of all, that scene alone, unless performed by puppets, exceeds my entire budget.  In fact, I think a wombat with antler mounted bazooka alone exceeds my budget.  Secondly, it’s nonsense, last time I was confronted by a christmas creche there were no wombats.   A camel perhaps, but wombats?   Next thing you know I’ll have animal wranglers looking for stunt yaks to dress as genetically altered wombats with antlers.  And we could do it.  We could cover the absurdity with some line like:

ThorFinn: “Careful!  That’s the radioactive gamma ray Dr. Smugly turned on those poor river creatures.”  The camera pans into a cage of healthy rats, and then to the neighboring cage with a three foot tall rat with antlers playing cribbage.

What pray tell does this, or any other blog of mine for that matter, have to do with a bike movie?Because I am enlightening you about the moronic idea I had that cycling scenes would be strait forward to film.  No burning buildings, no stunt yaks, no shattering windows.  Just people riding bicycles.   What could be simpler?  I even had a fellow cyclist innocently tell me, “Well, the cycling scenes will be the easy part.”

Yes, of course they will be easy.  Instead of creating yet one more  ”Hero jumping out of burning building through shattering glass on verge of collapse with unconscious heroine on grotty southern-hemisphere beast” scene, which would have been expensive, complicated and we’ve seen it done no less than 1000 times?  No, instead I had to go and write something asinine.  I had to go and write scenes that involve actors going 40 mph on bicycles.   Yes, actors talking and riding bikes.  As if talking and walking wasn’t hard enough for these bard quoting divas, I actually expect actors to talk and ride a bike and do so in a motivated and choreographed sequence on city streets with cars!

How would we poor actors ever train for such a role? (Yes, sadly, I am the aforementioned diva)  Do they take Phil Ligget’s “Talking While Riding a Bike on Camera advanced scene work?”   No!  Because there is no such thing!!  Which is probably why there has not been a major cycling film over the last 20 years!

Filming a bike ride…. do you know how much of a headache that simple idea caused?    By noon last Wednesday we were still on the first paragraph of the script.  That paragraph happens to involve no dialogue and it was taking us hours to talk through the concept and theme and camera movements to show an audience our story.

That was the morning.  By 4:30 in the afternoon I hated the script and wished I’d never see a bicycle again as long as I live.  In fact I am changing the entire movie and calling it:  MY BREAKFAST WITH SCOTT TALKING ABOUT PELOTON.  It’s a much simpler film.  We film at one location, a diner, there is no cycling, no stunts, none of those difficult actor types demanding bottled evian, falling off bicycles and wondering about their motivation.  Just two actors discussing the entire movie as though it really happened, the pain and excitement, the challenges and triumphs.. we don’t skimp on the really emotional scenes, just dive right in and talk about the entire movie over french toast.  The audience leaves having heard the exact story we were going to film, it’s under-budget, on-time and simple to edit.  It’s perfect!

But what about the maxim, “Show, don’t tell,” you wisely inquire.  Damn you.  You’re right, it’s a slippery slope of telling the film’s story on camera, to putting it on radio, to just leaving it on the page in some interpretive poetry college printing press or just reading it out loud in acting class.    Right then, guess we’re back to putting this cycling nightmare on its feet, (or tires I suppose).   “Every wall is a door.” At least that’s what the paperweight on my desk tells me.  And I suppose if you run your head into a wall enough times, you might just find a door.  Ralph Waldo Emerson might amend his quotation to read:  ”Every wall is a door.  Wear a helmet.” Perhaps GIRO (helmet manufacturer) wants that one… it’s theirs for a fee and six free helmets for the movie!

I have been re-writing the script all weekend, which as a real screenwriter (he wrote RoboCop and heard it from another screenwriter) once told me, is a lot of thinking and a little writing.  It’s true.  It’s easy to fill script pages.  A 120 page script could be typed by lunch.  Not saying it would be any good, but 120 pages would be filled with action and banter.    I received one script comment from a real actor (no, he was not in Robocop) that said, essentially, make some of it funnier. Love that comment.  I agree with it.  And no matter how long I stare at a scene, wishing it some humor, it does not spontaneously erupt with comedy.  Add a joke?  Make the character slip on a banana peel?  A bit with a dog?  Kidding.

What makes a truly great scene… best one I’ve seen read something like this:

EXT.  BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI — DAY

It explodes.

THAT”S IT!!!  THAT’S THE SCENE !!!! WHAT A BLOODY BRILLIANT STROKE OF WRITING!  If I had written that scene I would have quit for the day and gone for a pint at the pub having penned the greatest scene in written history.  (What do those two words, “It explodes.” and stunt Yaks have in common?  That’s right, they are both more expensive than my entire budget!  Sorry, its an ongoing joke from the first paragraphs, catch up)

The trendy script book STORY, by McGee, has some fantastic breakdowns of famous scenes from CASABLANCA, ORDINARY PEOPLE, CHINATOWN and this beauty from KRAMER VS KRAMER… another brilliant piece of writing.   Although a script is not made for reading pleasure, it is merely a blueprint, you should still read this scene after seeing the clip… the tension comes off the page as a dad tries to make french toast for his son.  The underlying levels of subtext and the complexities of a father trying to appear calm, trying to assure his son that they will survive without mom there, a basic level of survival, and the son wanting to believe his dad, and it all crashes down so painfully:

Now check out the scene on the page (scene 27) and you realize of course this will film well, you can see it as you read it.  Lots of show, not telling (i.e. exposition):

http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/kramer.shtml

Oh to write scenes like that.  At no point did Dustin Hoffman go off on a three page monologue of exposition, sitting in a room telling his son that he is scared he cannot provide the love and essential comforts (like eating) that his mother provided, that he is mad at his wife for leaving, that he does not know how to do this parenting thing and that he is scared… instead the dad is shown out of his element in a kitchen, he is telling his son the opposite, smiling that everything is great as he ruins the breakfast (the writer shows him doing everything wrong, and then, scaldingly  ”God damn it….God damn her!”  God damn that’s a good scene!

Of course Dustin wasn’t riding a bicycle either because bike scenes are tough!  At the end of the day, if it was easy, why would we be doing it?  None of this has been easy.  I had breakfast with my friend Scott today, the same one in the potentially upcoming hit film, MY BREAKFAST WITH SCOTT TALKING ABOUT PELOTON….., and we discussed how we do often receive what we ask for in life.  It just does not always arrive packaged the way we wanted it to.  I have an amazing team of friends that supports me and the film.  They have been crazy enough to invest in the film and to work hard to make the film happen despite the fears, frustrations and obstacles.  Therein lies the joy and why we will keep searching for that door in the wall, wrestling with the scenes.   The weekend is almost over and despite the movie still using bicycles in the bike scenes, I am really excited with where the script is heading!

And because there are only days left until the start of the world cup:

Football Fever, Catch it!!

A thrilling break away victory in the Giro overshadowed by Floyd Landis suddenly deciding it was time to admit he did use performance enhancing drugs all while maintaining that he was innocent in the 2006 Tour de France.  Oh, and by the way everyone else cheated too.

Floyd Landis has his reasons, whatever they might be,  for accusing the best US cyclists of using performance enhancing drugs (PEDs).  And who knows the truth.  I don’t.  Not sure how much credibility can be given to a man who lied strait to our faces for the last four years.   But then again, that does not mean everything he says is false either.  The old saying, even a broken clock is right once a day.

A common quotation in the world of athlete doping scandals is by Brecht:  ”Competitive sport begins where healthy sport ends.”  I read that in an old New Yorker article, quite outdated now as the drugs and methods for evading detection have grown.  Not too many years ago the only stupid thing about using PEDs was getting caught.

During the last decades everyone knew the cyclists were chemically enhanced, blood doping, etc.. I think the New Yorker article was Drugstore Athletes (?).  The funding to find better drugs and stay ahead of the science for detection far outweighed the funding to stopping it.  Accusations have been leveled that the US athletes were dominating sporting events for decades because they had the most complete and well funded PED programs and everyone knew it.

I cannot pretend to know the variety of enormous pressure that athletes are faced with knowing fractions of seconds determine contracts, endorsements, worship, fame, paycheck.  Is a desire to recover faster from injury to help your team a bad thing?

And some people recover faster naturally, train harder without injury, have naturally higher red blood cell levels.   Do PEDs (steroid, growth hormone, blood doing) just level a playing field?   How different is using EPO to raise your blood levels from using an altitude tent to sleep in for the identical purpose?  One is illegal, one not.  That is a fine line about what constitutes the acceptable level of doing whatever it takes to win…supreme court justice Potter Stewart in regard to hard core pornography said “…I know it when I see it.” and maybe that fits here… sex and drugs!

The maximum allowable hematocrit levels have been determined for the athlete’s safety.  As the blood gets thicker with more red blood cells, the risk of a stroke tops out.  Top out over 50 and you’re out of the pro cycling tour.   Normal male HCT might be mid 40s living at 4,000 feet.  Years ago some racers were riding with crits of 65.  And some did die.

People have asked me about PEDs in our film, PELOTON.  My reply over the years has been that doping, et al has been such a huge problem, that if I made either hero or villain a doper, then the audience would be focused only on that element, as though doping alone could forge a hero.  But I do mention it and hopefully in a way that does not bludgeon the audience nor allows it to take over the story.

I discovered several years ago, the easiest way for me to make a medical decision when seeing pediatric patients was to apply what became my “Luca” scale.  Deciding to place sutures in a toddler’s face versus using steri-strips or deciding to start strong antibiotics for an uncertain lung infection, all I had to do was think of Luca, my own little monkey and I would know instantly what I would do for him and apply that to the patient at hand.

So, what would I want Luca to do one day if faced with those pressures to level a playing field in order to placate an owner or secure a contract…. No question.  I want him to compete clean.  We want our heroes to be clean.  Just like we don’t want them to lie to us.

I think Lance handled his response today with class.  I want to believe him.  No test proves otherwise.  We can wonder why all the riders that came close to keeping up with him in all his winning tours have been suspended for violations.  Is he that much better?  Does he just train smarter?  Maybe he rides with more heart than we can imagine given his life, childhood and survival?   He’s a good man that Lance.  How many athletes have taken time, initiative and heart to proactively create a foundation like the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  I want revenue from our film, (should either ever exist!!!), to be contributed to the LAF.

The sport will survive.  It’s too beautiful.  We love it for many reasons.  I just had a beautiful ride out west of Salt Lake City this evening… tapping along for miles, saving four baby skunks in the road…. and racing home to see Luca before he went to bed.  Missed him.  But he saw me leave and he knows “Dada” was on his “Bah,”  and he knows we will go ride together soon.  Cycling is good and the world remains a good place.  Doping and PEDs won’t change that.

Found the New Yorker article for you.  Best part of it, Ben Johnson was busted for the one drug he was not using!  Ha!

http://www.gladwell.com/2001/2001_08_10_a_drug.htm

But a cycling film blog needs film too:  Films that come to mind with drugstore athletes or the corrupt side of sports:

ROCKY IV — Wait, Drago is big and mean and those evil looking scientists are, Oh, that’s his wife!  ”Whatever he hits, he destroys.” In evil russian accent … and oh my god!  They’re injecting chemicals with the mother of all HUGE needles, to make him stronger, faster, meaner, evilerer… how will Rocky ever beat drugs and the evil empire?

VICTORY — I think the German Nazi referee is cheating!!!  Hey!  That’s not right!!

NORTH DALLAS FORTY — He gets the knee injected and plays high?  That’s not right!  He’s playing with pain killers, that does not seem right.

VARSITY BLUES — The evil coach is willing to send the fat guy out there with a head injury, win at all costs in high school? That’s wrong!!

GLADIATOR -(Gladiating looks like a sport) Hey!  He stabbed him before the fight!  That’s not fair!  He’s evil!!

THE NATURAL — Hey!  He’s throwing the game!  That’s not fair!  They threatened him!  That’s evil!

STAR WARS — Hey, the chemically enhanced guy in the black suit with altered voice likely due to doping just strangled the guy in an argument!  That’s cheating, that’s evil! (I think debate qualifies as a sport)

As you can see, there appears to be a direct correlation between cheating, win at all costs and being evil… at least in the world of film!

And in case you needed a sporting lift, WORLD CUP ONLY TWENTY DAYS AWAY!!  Check out this awesome commercial from NIKE:

Still one of my favorites thanks to Mastercard, capturing the excitement of what is about to happen in less than three weeks:

And if you don’t get the beautiful game, here’s the fever: