Winston gets his wings and The Tao of Wu

I realize this is a blog about the film PELOTON, but the film, for those who have read my earliest posts know, is not just about cycling, but how we handle falls in life.  Winston, aka Wintins, aka The Big Wu, is my 100 pound, all heart, total goofball, pain in my ass 11 1/2 year old labrador who we all adore.  He’s family.  If you’re not a dog person, then you don’t get it, and if you are, you understand how these big hearted pups seem to know that life is short and there is not a day to be wasted where you hide affection.

Winston showed up on my bed one December.  My girlfriend at the time had thought a labrador puppy together was going to be a great idea.  I love dogs, but I was in my intern year of medical residency and told her no, no dog.    But still she showed up with him.  Everyone’s advice during those first weeks, including her’s, was to just give the dog back.  But this eight week old pup, incredibly cute with a huge pair of sad eyes and massive paws, latched onto me instantly.  (Word of advice ladies, don’t give your guy a cute labrador puppy unless you want him to attract a lot of female attention.  All sorts of women who never gave me the time of day, now had free license to walk up and play with the puppy).  And despite his efforts to win me over, following me everywhere, including into the shower, he was also driving me crazy.  Those were cold utah nights to be standing outside in boxers, in a snowstorm hoping he would go to the bathroom after yet another accident on my bed. (Yes, he had to sleep in my bed otherwise he barked all night.  Yes, he won that and most other battles).

Then, late one night, heading out for a cross-country ski up Millcreek canyon where I would hold him on my chest in a back pack and occasionally let him play in the snow, I got out of the car into a dark parking lot and was suddenly confronted by two enormous, viciously barking dogs, a german shepherd and larger Rottweiler mix.  Before I had time to jump out of my skin, a small ball of fur leapt from the rear seat out the open front door and  planted himself in front of me, barking right back at these two beasts of the night.  If you’ve ever experienced the knowledge that someone would stand in front of a freight train without a hesitation to save your life, then you know its kind of intimidating.  Its not the dog you just give back.

And that was that, Winston stayed.  He was quintessential lab, non-stop energy, into trouble all the time.  A recurring entertainment in the house was counting how many kitchen products he had dragged out to the yard in protest of being left home for the day while we were at work.  At one point these items included kitchen knives, most of a 72 piece tupperware set, a glass coffee bodum not broken and a morter and pestle (the former broken).  He had a great penchant for dragging enormous trees down hiking trails.  As if that was not enough fun, the idea of casual hike with dogs usually triggers beautiful norman rockwell type images.  Thats about as accurate as thinking that family vacations with young kids is just like the photo ads of families happily laughing together on a beach.   A hike with winston was not complete without rolling in some dead carcass, eating something foul smelling and rolling in that as well, and usually running off to chase deer, birds or the random call of the wild.   And he was oh so proud of himself, the dirtier and fouler the smell, the mightier the accomplishment.

And no matter what he did, he never showed grief or guilt or remorse.  He loved everything except being alone.  We were his family and he was protective, of our other lab, of other family members, he did nothing half way.

The stories go on and on.  Friends have compared him to the dog in the book Marley and Me, except worse, and I cannot bring myself to read that book because I know there are final chapters.  And Winston had his run in with everything from the law, to the military, to several volumes worth of visits at several medical clinics.   Torn ACLs in both knees, Melanoma of his eyelid, allergies, infections, sutures, scratched corneas, teeth extractions and this year, after having a benign tumor removed from his jaw,he stopped eating.  He had other reasons to stop eating previously, so we went through the routine of buying take out, cooking for him, but he still seemed to be without an appetite.  Then I noticed he was jaundiced.  Cancelled a trip I was scheduled on that day and stayed home to cook while some liver medicines kicked in to improve his liver failure.  They worked and he started eating again… then a few weeks later, I took him for a walk and he peed bright red blood.  One urinary tract infection later, he was back and eating and peeing normally, and then all the symptoms slowly returned.  We were told he had days to weeks left and of course you don’t want to believe that.  Good god, he survived everything else.  So we kept cooking, but he stopped eating, we tried differnent meds, stayed up with him the last week.  Even the vet commented that with his big heart, even though his body was failing, he would force himself to keep going just to keep us happy.  And he did, He couldn’t stand to eat very much and I needed to walk him to a stream nearby where he would drink, but he was getting weaker and finally I had to ask the vet how we proceed knowing it was close.  We were told by friends that you would just know… I’m not sure we did.  He still followed me everywhere, albeit slightly off balance, he had stopped drinking, someone had to decide.  I had wished in some way that we would wake up and find he had gently passed away in his sleep.

Our three year old son, when I had explained that we would not be seeing Wintins anymore, told me, “He’s going to get his wings, in heaven.”

“That’s right I told him, he’s going there so he will feel better,” as tears rolled down my face as they had for the last week.

“Are you sad daddy?”

“Yeah.  I’m sad.  I’m going to miss Wintins.”

“I’m sad too.”

No matter how many times you hear and know in your heart that at some point it will become selfish to keep this ailing family member alive, nobody tells you how to prepare for the final walk.  We sat in the back of the station wagon, my big pup and me, staring at the clinic doors fifty feet away.  We just sat there,  him not wanting to move, head in my lap, while crocodile tears poured down my face, soaking him.  How do you decide to finally pick up your loved one to start that fifty foot walk.

That damn dog, that damn beautiful, loving, pain in my ass dog who loved so ridculously and unconditionally, such a massive presence in our lives, and such a massive emptiness without him.

He had been there for me every single day we had known each other and I guess that is part of the message of the film:  We are all connected.

The Tao of Wu:

Life is short, don’t waste days hiding your love away

Love and protect your family and friends fiercely, they are what you’ve got.

Low carbohydrate diets are senseless, eat any and all bread products within your reach or that can be taken away from small children.

Greet friends and loved ones with enthusiasm every time you see them, life is short, and while the nose to the crotch might not always be socially acceptable, its a fine metaphor to let them know you’re excited to see them.

If people have ridiculous ideas, like sleeping in, a wet tongue up the nose or in their mouth usually knocks some sense into them about not missing the day.

Some days you’re stuck home, so fully embrace and love every beautiful hike, swim, walk, drive…

Hard to beat curling up with friends, family and snacks to watch a movie at the end of the day.

If you disagree with what someone says, like telling you to “sit,” then bark right back at them.

If you like the music, howl along with it… if you don’t, howl louder.

A pound of chocolate covered espresso beans works wonders for energy and intestinal function when devoured an hour before going for a trail run.

Rosin the bow, Bang the drum and my two cents on Lance Armstrong

I’ve been really excited to have the privilege of working with our composer, John Hancock (check out his work with Late Night Alumni and Kaskade).   So far I’d been really impressed with what he had composed for us to preview…. then I got to sit in while he recored Pat Campbell and Aaron Ashton playing percussion and violin respectively… and I was completely blown away.  Hearing live music breathing life into the film, creating a new dimension in each scene left me speechless and hoping these people, like so many I have worked with on this film, will want to work with me again someday soon.  I joked with them that I hope the film lives up to the soundtrack.  It’s fantastic.   Here’s Pat getting ready to bang the drums for Peloton…(Oh yeah, he’s played with Tom Waits).

Elsewhere in cycling news, Lance Armstrong continues to make news with allegations of Performance Enhancing Drug (PED) use during the years he won the Tour de France.  His response is that he has never failed a single drug test.

The “big” deal lately is that he rode for the US Postal team, which received federal funding and furthermore he would have perjured himself via the history of denials.  Denials of blowjobs have led to presidential impeachments, so do not question a government willingness to waste countless amounts of your tax dollars on legal fees when perjury is on the line.  I can’t think of anything else more pressing in the country at this time deserving of federal time or money, can you?

Some radical thinkers do question, so what?  Its cycling.  George Hincapie had this to say regarding allegations that he had spoken with a federal grand jury, “”My job here is to race my bike, promote the sport that we all love; that I’ve sacrificed my whole life for… I just have no interest in dragging this sport though the mud, so I’m sorry, I have no comment.”  It is cycling and it has a proven history of drug use and doping scandals.

The sport has been dragged through the mud.  We all knew the sport was riddled with drug use and hope it is being cleaned up.  When we were finally close to producing PELOTON, a recurrent question was how we were approaching the issue of doping in the sport.  I did not want that to be the central issue in the film, but knew if it was introduced with any of the characters it would become a central theme for winning or losing.  And a common question amongst cyclists right now is what they think about Lance and the doping question.  Nobody would be shocked to learn that he had used PEDs.

What do I think?  If he doped, then on a level playing field, he was still that much better than everyone else.  Does that excuse him of any wrong doing in the eyes of the court?  Who knows. But I do think that at the end of the day he fulfilled one of the great stories in sporting history.  Even if he doped, I would still look back with utter amazement at some of his rides.  I watched the 2001 Alpe d’Huez stage three times that day.

And if someone decided to strip away his seven Tour de France titles, Lance will still have done more to increase cycling awareness and enthusiasm in the US than any other person, athlete, corporation or cycling team.  And more than any other athlete I can thing of (maybe Johann Koss or Dikembe Mutumbo), Lance has spent more months, days and  hours of time he could be sitting on a beach or partying at a rave, helping people around the world by raising awareness, support and funds to people with cancer.  Nobody can take either of those amazing feats away from him.   That’s merely my opinion.  What have you done to help people lately?

YOu may say I’m a Dreamer…

And the connotations of “dreamers” is daydreaming, head in the sky folks who don’t often get anything done.   I’ve had this dream to make films, to act, to write and yes, they could have remained dreams of fancy… instead, we have a credit list of hundreds of people on a film named PELOTON that is almost, almost completed.  And all of them, the many supporters, cast, crew, people in the community that helped in so many ways with equipment, locations, volunteering, they’ve all had the dream to make this happen too.   And while the tone of my last post bluntly laid blame for the film’s flaws on my doorstep, thus providing the ultimate learning venue for myself, I wanted to take a few lines to mention who we can blame for making the film look and sound beautiful….

I have mentioned before how fortunate we were to have someone like Geno Salvatori as our Director of Photography.  He didn’t just show up and shoot a film, he took it upon himself to embrace the challenge of understanding the script, figuring out the nuances of the story and how he would capture it visually.  And because he was on board, other people joined the crew, figuring if Geno was there, we must be up to something fun.  So between Geno, Craig Wallace and Skylar bringing his cameras, he and his crew and his enthusiasm to set every day and the rest of our amazing film crew, we have a beautifully shot film…. but that is not enough…

Over the last weeks we have been applying the polishing touches to the film.  John David at Metcom has brilliantly corrected the color in every scene, Clarke and the audio geniuses are fixing the dialogue while an audio design team creates the sound effects and audio effects of a the outdoors or a room or the various sounds of a bike race.  And John Hancock is creating a stunning soundtrack.   These should sound like huge endeavors that would amaze us in the theater…. however, it’s quite the opposite.   When these guys do their job well, you don’t even notice what they have done.  You’re just taken on the ride.  You just accept that you are enjoying a well made film.  And without them, you’d think you were watching an amateurish piece of indie filmmaking smarm.   The difference is stunning and yet you would never see their mark unless you had witnessed them weaving their threads into this creative composite.   Quite simply amazing.

We have also had the actors “looping.”  They come into a sound studio and work to re-match their lines, lines that might have been blown out on a microphone or messed up by the hum of an air conditioner.  Months later, matching the tone and emotion of a scene they played across from an actor, but without that actor present and only running one line at a time. It’s hard work and our actors have been fantastic.  A few more sessions to go….

So we are close, a lot of people making this film a reality.  So yeah, you may say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one… thank god!

Thank you John Lennon

A measure of success

We received our first rejection letter today.   The TriBeCa film festival, as much as they “…enjoyed the chance to see [our] film...” regretted not including us in their festival, but hoped we would  send our application fees with future projects to try again.    TriBeCa is now considered one of the big five festivals in the world of film festivals and I did not expect to be accepted.  The film we sent was not yet complete, was competing against big name actors and directors, and a huge number of films, most of which will have something to do with war torn countries, religious and sexual stigmata or a strait up comedy.  Peloton is unfortunately a feel good, inspirational story with love and cycling.  Excuses, excuses, excuses!

I am not feeling “rejected.”  Nor am I feeling a sense of failure.  And I am certainly not feeling anything successful.  How do we define success and failure?  Just recently at the Oscars,  films were crowned as the BEST of the year… The best actor and best composer and editor regaled in their successes while others felt snubbed.  Were the efforts of the uncrowned considered a failure?  Hardly.   (Although rumors persist that the Uncrowned Mr. Franco’s lack of hosting effort was not quite successful).

This is not what I am supposed to say with investors potentially reading this post, but there are shortcomings in the film and they are my own.  We made the film on a really small budget, really small, but that is not the problem.  I would wager that at the end of the month, our film will look and sound better than many films with budgets many times what ours was.   The problems lie in the script — which is my fault, I did pen the thing after all.  It was certainly an ambitious project where I wish we had had a full three weeks to shoot the cycling scenes, not just the cycling and the 80 other pages of the script.   But that is an excuse.

Did I dream big and achieve my dream?  yes.   And it required the help and support of so many people. My peloton.  Did we make a film?  Yes.  Is that in itself a success?  Yes.   Do I feel let down that it is not everything I dreamed it would be?  That it is not an overnight success that will take the theaters by storm?  Yes.   Did I learn from it?  yes.  Will I make more?  Yes.   Writing the newest scripts I encounter the same trouble spots I glossed over in PELOTON hoping they would be resolved in the shooting (they weren’t) and now I work harder to resolve those issues, not wanting to fall into the trap of experience being what allows us to make the same mistakes with more confidence.     So what is success?

I suppose we thrive on a level of judgment, that is, we need a relative meter to measure where things stand.  Was it successful at the box office?  Was it accepted to prestigious film festivals?   Was it a well made film?  How about the fact that the film was made?  Any level of creation seems to be something positive, especially when you appreciate how much blood, sweat and tears were spilt… enough to make Winston proud.   There is a rumor that Winston Churchill was asked to cut arts funding in favor of the war effort and he simply replied, “Then what are we fighting for?”  You wonder about that during the years of making a film, “What are we fighting for?  Anything worthwhile?”  At this point, staring into the final weeks of preparing PELOTON, I can easily say, any film that is made is a success story.  That said, I am my own worst hypocrite and have been beating myself up the last weeks.

Peloton has flaws.  I can make all sorts of justifable excuses about the budget, the ambitious nature of the project, the thunderstorms on bike days, lack of extras… but the bottom line is I should have had a better script.  An enormous amount of people made the film’s production possible because they believed in me; my cast and crew dedicated themselves to the project; our post-production team is just incredible (welcome aboard our phenomenal composer, John Hancock).  And I know it will not go up for awards this week or next.  And while I do not feel a failure, I cannot help but feel I have let down all the other people who made this film.

I do however know this:  Secretariat did not win his first race, the Hickory Huskers did not win their first games and Rocky lost in a split decision (sorry for the spoiler)… i.e. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  Hell no!  We Learn from These Things said Bernie (usually after we almost died).  Onward and Upward says Dennis, “Big D.”

Beyond life with friends and family, this film is a highlight of my life.  To have pursued the dream and made the film with the help of my peloton of friends, there is the success.

NOW DIG THIS…. PELOTON APPETIZER

A little taste of what we’ve been up to the last months…

PELOTON wraps and the 2001 tour de france puts woman in labor

Principal photography wrapped a few weeks ago.   People asked if I enjoyed the whole process, knowing this had been a dream of mine for so long…. and I have not been sure how to answer that question.  The above photo displays some of the tribulations of making a movie.  In the photo lead actor KC Clyde is making fun of my silly looking cycling cap (lead actress Renny went on to make fun of it in a song) so I am refusing to share any water with him despite the fact that it was 95 degrees out.   Truthfully, It was a completely exhausting, scary, frustrating, no sleep experience that I never wanted to stop.  More fun than I deserved and was so fortunate to have a great cast and crew that worked hard to create the film’s vision.

Since then we have been filming some bike races here in town, including the Tour of Utah (which was just incredible).  We are really excited to share some of that footage in a sneak peek tomorrow which I will post here and on youtube.

And now what?  Now I raise more money so we can finish filming, only 60K needed…. anyone???   It is a lot of money, but at the same time we remain a really low budget film that we hope looks really great – you be the judge tomorrow.   It’s hard to tell what you have when you are this close and emotionally attached to the project.  People keep telling me it is a good story and that the footage looks great.  We have incredible music for the film and the sound is great.  That might not sound like a huge deal, but when you watch films and you cannot hear what they are saying or understand the actors, its often because they did not have an experienced person mixing the sound.  Who did we have?  Earl Stein.   Who is Earl Stein?  Ask anyone involved with making films in Utah.  Just happens to be the guy that does sound for the Farrelly brothers.  Anyway, I can hear that it sounds good, looks good, nice story, but I am all too aware that those elements do not guarantee a good, let alone great, film.  Our editor has been doing a fantastic job to first put together our race footage so that we knew what elements were missing that we needed to film at the real races and then to put together our “sneak peek” to help raise our finishing funds.  Finally this week he can dive into creating the film and then we will see!

As for me, well, I prepare to get everything ready to film the roughly 10% remaining parts of the film and at the same time, will head back into some medical clinic work as the accounts have dried up and my director salary disappeared into paying our cast and crew.  I did not purposely aim to achieve starving artist status, and I think with our basement stock of bordeaux and brunello, we can survive another month, but the credit cards and kid’s insurance demand a return to a paycheck….at least for now!

Film festivals applications will be due this fall once the film is taking form in the editing bay.   And then, well, cross your fingers, knock on wood and send us some positive energy as we want this film to be seen!!   I am already pretty nervous to send out our sneak peek tomorrow and can only imagine what it must be like to premiere your film.  We were hoping to have a rough cut ready to submit to the Sundance Film Festival but looks like we will miss the deadline.  However, one thing I have learned repeatedly, and all the more so on this film, was a deep respect for Mick Jagger’s line, ” You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.”  If we miss applying to Sundance, somehow we will end up where we need to be with the film… it’s that or I can get frustrated and kick things and break my toe, which would only make my two year old laugh.

And on that note, I must share one of my favorite days filming, second to last day, we started in the park with a fun scene where our lead actor KC shoots a glaring look at someone else climbing a hill in the park, ala Lance Armstrong to Jan Ullrich in the 2001 tour de france, except KC is passing a pregnant woman pushing a kid stroller.  The woman and kid in stroller just happen to be Chandler and Luca, so they made it into the film!!!  Amazing!  That evening however, filming our last scene of the day, I receive a phone call from Chandler in the hospital.  The film crew blames me for making Chandler go into labor by pushing a stroller up a hill all morning in the sunshine!  Left the scene and made it for the C-section and delivery of our second boy.  Apparently he did not want to miss out on filming either!   Now that was a great day!  

BIKE MOVIE – THE ACTORS RIDE!

That’s us, Sunday night on a motel hallway floor, Geno and I sharing ideas.    We started the morning in a gay cowboy bar doubling as Moab and had moved to a second pub for some drinking/dancing scenes midday, before finding ourselves on the floor of the Residence Inn hallway.   And the day indoors was much relief for the crew after five strait days in the sun.

I don’t even know where to start with this post…. this entire surreal experience is just simply fantastic.  Our crew is unbelievable, our cast fantastic.  I don’t know what kind of film we will end up with, having to create pelotons from five riders and imagining crowds made of 20 (at one point I asked the extras that once the bike had raced passed them with us filming off the car, they had to sprint up the hill to get in front of the car to act like they were different people cheering.  (having been in the sun the entire day left them somewhat confused by my sense of humor)

Incredible to be doing what I have always dreamed of, and rather than discovering it to be a let down, it is far more exciting and fun than I even imagined… and far more work!  Not that I did not expect work, but I cannot stop thinking.  If I am not concerned about the scene at hand, clothing, set ups, transitions into and out of that scene, then i am on some other aspect of the moment and trying not to think that we are behind or missing scenes that we need to make up on days that we do not have.

I thought just looking around the set was amazing enough… seeing entire crews setting up the lighting and scenes that I had scripted and thought about for years… and suddenly there they are being put up by such a great group of actors who bring it all to life, looking so ridiculously good thanks to the entire crew, from Troy and Isaac in Make-up, Natalie and her crew in wardrobe, Craig, Kelly and Alex working the lights, cameras all the grip work… they do so much with the help of a small army (people ask what grips, gaffers and swing men do, the better question is what do they not do?) and Wray our crazy man and his team handling production design and props (including all the bikes) has built entire bike race starts), and then there is Matt making us feasts every day to keep us working… the list goes on and on… none of it matters without it being recorded and edited thanks to Justin and Matt… and oh yeah, our guys on camera– operating, pulling focus, setting the cameras, goes to Geno and Jason and Ian and the mad man from Vita Brevis, Skylar who is a driving force of energy on the set.. And none of that runs without our production team keeping the business end rolling…. I can go on and on… but the point is so many people are working so hard to make this vision not just a reality, but one we will be proud of.

After the first day, when people glancing at our monitors kept commenting, “Wow, that looks really good!”  I thought, of course, these guys are professionals, what else would you expect… then I started to worry that the script did not match with how good the film would look!   We’ll see.. it has been crazy to hear the scenes I wrote show up on screen…. and rather than my feeling uncertain of the scenes, these amazing actor people, they make it work, I cannot say enough except I do not want it to end!   I am loving it!

OK, all that said, its a long time away from the family, getting up early to prepare, on set all day into night, back home to prepare again for the next day, dailies if available and not really sleep.   But then Luca came to set and had some time with me in the directors chair.  Life does not get much better than having your son on set while you truly are living your dream.

And it is not all beautiful and loving… mostly its sweaty.  Mostly we are fighting and tense to keep on schedule and being told by the powers that be that we must break for lunch so we do not have to pay actors more (SAG rules and we do not have anything to pay them with beyond small rocks).  I’m thinking we would get more filming made with some tyrannical draconian laws, but I’d guess the mutiny would not be far behind and I would be left standing alone on a hilltop with some bikes.

What more… I was worried about actors on bikes… they are such good actors that i could swear to you now that I thought they really were riding the bikes!!  I’m kidding, we really did let them ride and they looked fantastic after only a couple of days… and that is due to local stud rider Chris McKay, now an integral part of the film, being their teacher.  So everyone on set is starting to shave their legs and enjoying being on the bike.   Although the first time we clocked our lead actor going over 50 mph down a hill I was terrified for the film coming to a sccreeching halt across asphalt.   The speeds seem fine, its the clicking out of pedals at slow speeds that has resulted in blood.

We have lots of photos, but I need to get them off a disc as they were too large to email…

We’ve had cuts and sutures and bloody noses and tennis elbow and vomiting and sunburn and…well, I must race back to set, so, I will write something more cohesive about a day in the life and will attach some photos I should get today.

Onward and Upward!!!!